TriHards Tub Adventure Measure
There are many ways people can measure the scale, difficulty, or challenge associated with an adventure. Hikes and runs can be measured by distance, and total ascent. The challenge associated with river kayaking can be determined through the distance, and grade of rapids throughout the course. Riding, like running, can be measured by distance, ascent, and the type of track. All of these measures apply to specific disciplines, and are somewhat tailored; how do you measure the difficulty or challenge involved in an adventure race? Furthermore, all of these measures require a bit of record taking during the event, and calculation afterwards, when all you’ll want to do is clean up and relax.
You could always measure an adventure by how hard it was for you; how sore you were afterwards. But that’s not a general scale; everyone is different, and one freak who may feel no pain after doing hill climbs all day may feel immense pain at swimming for a kilometre or so.
So the TriHards have put their minds together, based on their tremendous amount of experience, and come up with their own adventure scale. A simple method of observation, based on work you would do after your adventure, requiring no thought whatsoever (the best sort of measurement!) just a quick look. It’s the washing machine scale. After all, everyone has to wash their gear after an adventure, don’t they? How hard is it to look in the washing machine afterwards?
It’s a simple scale ranging from 0 to 5 (because all good indexes start at 0!)
0: No Adventure
You come home, strip off your adventure gear to find it is neither wet or dirty; the gear must be quickly hidden away to hide your shame, and the washing machine remains silent in the corner. But at least you’ve saved water.
1: Walk in the Park
Your gear is kind of damp and dirty; you may have even broken a sweat; it could even wait a few days before you wash it. It cleans up after a single wash.
2: Reasonable Adventure
When you get home and your gear sees the washing machine, it attempts to escape, putting up a fight almost as awesome as your adventure when you throw it, kicking and screaming, into the tub. That screaming you hear throughout the wash is not a slipping belt, but the death cries of the spirit of adventure which possesses your gear.
3: Excellent Adventure
The gear is so weighed down with dirt, it can’t carry itself to the washing machine, so you have to do it. The first wash results in muddy water which makes everything uniformly dirty. The second wash lightens the gear, making everything a shade of grey. The third wash gets even more dirt out, but everything is still grey, so you change your team colours to include grey; it’s just easier.
On the bright side, the grey water system you had installed last near now contains heaps of dirt and sediment from much more fertile grounds than your backyard.
4: Tub Thumper
The gear is so filthy that as soon as water is added to the washing machine, it becomes a big tub ’o’ mud; the powerful electric engine siezes becuase it doesn’t have the torque to spin a tub of solid mud. Dirt and stains linger for months, even after handwashing all of the gear in an Olympic sized swimming pool using Wonder Soap*.
5: I can’t believe I survived!
You may have survived, but your gear is shredded and destroyed; what little you could wash would probably fragment and become one with various parts of the washing machine in a desperate attempt to hide from further punishment. It must sadly go directly to the funeral pyre you have erected in the backyard, to ensure the demons of adventure may be fully exorcised and don’t haunt the house!
* No, we do not have any corporate sponsorship. But if you pay us money, we would be more than happy to mention your product’s name in our articles!