24 September 2012
From Mt Ku-Ring-Gai With Love
“Congratulations Cyborg,” began R, “I heard you’ve attained your 00 status.”
“Why thank you R, ” the Cyborg replied his smile stretching from ear to ear. Smooth, suave and sophisticated was not the Cyborg’s way; it was more like excitable, enthusiastic and energetic, “Yes, I have: 00D.”
“That’s a bit unlucky.” R, the TriHards quartermaster replied, as he walked into his workshop, “Nevermind, I’m sure we have some equipment here that will help you through the race. First things first, your transport.”
“Oh, I’ve already got a bike, R.”
“And you’re going to ride it to the Back Yamma state forest are you, Cyborg? You must be fit...”
“Oh, right - what’s wrong with the Adventure Truck?”
“Nothing, it’s just that we have something better. This is your debut in the 00 racing category, Cyborg, we want to give you the best possible opportunity, to make sure you’re comfortable and rested before the race. Besides, you’ll have Miss BeerMiddy with you, and we can’t just throw her in the back of the ute, can we?”
“Well, no, I guess not...” the Cyborg’s voice trailed off as the “transport” came into view - it was a Trakka motorhome!
“Here we go, from Mt Ku-Ring-Gai with love - a Trakka motorhome!” R announced, spreading his arms wide as he presented the view to the Cyborg.
“Now,” he continued as he opened the door, “It’s diesel, automatic, and has European controls, which means your left hand controls the indicator not the wipers!” Not hearing any reply, R turned to see Cyborg bouncing on the bed...
“There are two double-beds, Cyborg,” R was pointing at another tucked into a shelf above the cabin, “I assume you’ll be sleeping in this one!”
“I don’t think I can fit the SuperFly in there with me,” observed the Cyborg.
“Don’t you dare Cyborg; there’ll be no sheet-staining on this trip! Bikes go on the back.”
“Hmm, I could put the SuperFly in that bottom one, and Miss BeerMiddy and I can share the top...”
“And there’ll be none of that either, Cyborg! No hanky panky before a race, it’s bad for the legs.”
R led Cyborg through the workshop, filled with gadgets, doo-hickeys and things that go ping, until they came to a mannequin wearing bib-n-brace lycra nicks.
“Lycra?!” the Cyborg cried, “But I am not a MAMIL! You’re just trying to ensure I look as unattractive as possible for Miss BeerMiddy!”
“Yes, Lycra. Up until now, Cyborg, it’s always been short courses and sprint races. This is a 100km marathon mountain bike ride. You’ll sweat, you’ll rub, and you’ll chafe. This is designed for longer rides. It’ll help absorb the moisture from your sweat, protect you from chaffing...”
“You might as well call me Moonraker I’m not wearing it!”
“Well, have it your way Cyborg, but Dr No will have nothing to do with chaffing injuries which could have just as easily been prevented!”
Stay Tuned: Cyborg’s Adventures continue in Part 4: Diamontes Aren’t Forever